Idler's Dream
by Godeater
Summary: With everyone gone for the summer, Xander is keeping watch on Sunnydale. When a blast from the past shows up, two people get the chance to...connect.
1. Chapter 1

Industrial strength rock music was thumping through the Bronze. The dance floor was packed beyond capacity with moving bodies. Strobe lights flickered quickly, giving the scene a surreal, disorienting look to an observer. And there were plenty of observes tonight. The dance floor was packed so much mainly because there was no where else for people to go. Tables were crowded around, used mainly to leave drinks on while people yelled at each other over the music. The bouncers had managed to keep the crush from pressing against the game tables, so there were people playing games of pool, pinball and the like. The bar was jammed. The washrooms had lines so long they snaked along the walls around the club. People loitered on the steps to the balcony, making it a game of leapfrog to either get up or down from the observation level. All in all, a typical Friday night at the Bronze, during the dying days of summer.  
  
Sipping from a bottle of water, Xander Harris was an island of calm in a sea of chaos. The loan Scooby member left in Sunnydale at the moment, Xander was comfortable with being the odd man out. With Giles and Anya tending to Willow's recuperation in England, and Buffy and Dawn in Florida with the seldom-mentioned Hank Summers, Xander had been Sunnydale's 'Watchman' for almost 3 months.  
  
Which isn't to say that Xander had been abandoned. He understood everyone's need to get some space from Sunnydale and deal with.well everything, that had happened. He'd been invited by both groups to their destinations, and probably would have taken one of them up, if not for work. Plus, someone needed to stick around Sunnydale to keep an eye on the Hellmouth.  
  
Buffy, Dawn and Xander had paid a visit to LA before the sisters had left, to see if Angel and his crew could help out, but the hotel had been empty, and none of the numbers they had for Angel, Cordy or Wes were answered. There was more then a little worry about the Fang Gang's whereabouts, but without any leads at all, it was a wait and see situation.  
  
So Xander had opted to stay in Sunnydale for the summer. There was plenty of work for him to do, as the summer was usually the busiest building season of the year. And his nightly patrols of the usual hunting grounds had shown that the pattern of vampires disappearing during the summer was still valid. He'd run into a few holdouts and dealt with them, but for the most part, the undead were taking a cue from the good guys and taking a break from Hellmouth for the summer.  
  
All that suited Xander fine. He was surprised to find out that he didn't mind the solitary lifestyle, as much as he feared he would. And he still talked with everyone. Emails and late night chats with Willow and Giles, and daily phone calls from Buffy and Dawn, probably kept him from thinking he'd been forgotten. For the first time in a long time, Xander was feeling pretty secure about his friendships and his role in the group. Both Willow and Buffy knew that he was ready to hop a plane at a moment's notice if they needed him to, and the Slayer and Giles said that they would be in Sunnydale as quickly as inhumanly possible if something came up that Xander needed them for. Everyone missed everyone else terribly. And it was wonderful.  
  
So, it was with that all in mind that Xander had treated himself to a night out on the town. He'd gone out with some of the guys after work for a bite to eat. Gone home, showered, and done his first patrol. He'd decided to kick back at the Bronze for awhile and just chill out. It had been a good plan, except he'd forgotten just how.crowded the Bronze could seem, when you were by yourself.  
  
Making his way through the crush of people, the lone Scooby headed toward the gaming area of the club, in the hopes of a pick up game of pool or some other diversion. Someone bumped into him and he almost lost his grip on his bottle of water. "Sorry!" a female voice yelled in his ear. Looking down, Xander looked into the apologetic and smiling face of a young woman with curly black hair and dark eyes.  
  
"No problem. It's crowded in here," he answered back loudly, giving her a small nod of forgiveness.  
  
"Yeah!" the girl exclaimed, her smile growing even wider. "Loud too!" Xander smiles and nods again, trying to move past her. A hand on his arm stops him. "Do you want to get outta here?" the girl shouts into his ear, her smile quirking slightly.  
  
Looking down at her hand and then her smiling face, Xander grins. While this is hardly the first time a pretty girl has hit on him, it is the first vampire that's tried it. "Sure!" he yells back at her, taking her hand, which is surprisingly cool in the muggy club. Both of them are smiling as they push their way through the club, and out into the much cooler air of the night. "Phew! Hot in there," Xander comments, his eyes travelling up and down her body in what he hopes is a good impression of a guy hoping to get lucky.  
  
"Sure was." The girl, dressed in a black mini-skirt and a dark blue blouse that was unbuttoned up top and tied off well above her belly button. Xander had to admit, as far as vampires went, this was one of the better- looking ones. "My name's Tina, by the way."  
  
"Xander," the Slayerette said, still holding her hand. "Do you maybe, want to go someplace else? A little more.quiet?" The smile he gave her was attempting to be both sly and innocent.  
  
"Aren't you a bold guy?" Tina said with a laugh. "Don't know me more then five minutes, and already trying to get me alone."  
  
Shrugging nonchalantly, Xander started leading her down the ally. "One thing I've learned living in this town, life is way to short to beat around the bush about the things you want. I say take a shot. If even if you fail, you're no worse off then if you didn't try at all."  
  
As they moved further away from the Bronze, Tina squeezed Xander's hand gently. "That's a.very wise outlook on life you have, Xander. I know I'd be a lot happier if more people shared it."  
  
Biting off a 'I'm sure you would', Xander just grinned. "My car is just around the block." The two walked in a comfortable silence for a minute, going deeper into the ally and away from the crowd of people outside of the Bronze. 'And five.four.three.two.one.'  
  
"Did you hear something?" Tina said suddenly, her grip on Xander's hand tightening even more. Xander just shook his head, and made a show of looking around. "Probably just a cat then." Looking down at the girl, the solo Scooby was less then surprised when she leaned up and kissed him. Snaking her arms around his neck, she pushed herself closer to him, making him walk backwards toward a wall. The kissing intensified, both of them opening their mouths and letting their tongues battle for supremacy.  
  
For Xander, this was an entirely new experience. He'd always wondered what it would be like to kiss a vampire. If Buffy's attraction for Angel and Spike was somewhat based on how different vampires felt. Tina's cool mouth and tongue felt so much different then the heat he felt when he had kissed Anya. The cold, dry hands that caressed his back and chest under his shirt sent a not unpleasant chill up his spine.  
  
His hands slid around her body. One trailing down her back and then up under her skirt where it found more cool, surprisingly supple flesh where he expected to find underwear. Another hand went up along her bare stomach and up her blouse, feeling a nipple harden under his hand, but unsurprised to find a lack of heartbeat. It was like kissing, feeling a statue made life. For a moment, a brief moment, Tina wasn't a vampire, but a piece of art. A sculptor's creation in pale marble, magically made flesh.  
  
Only for a moment.  
  
'Never forget what they are,' whispered through Xander's mind as he removed his hands from her ass and breasts, causing a definite growl of protest from Tina. "Wait," he said breathlessly, placing one hand flat against her chest, while the other reached behind him for the sharpened cross he had tucked into his jeans.  
  
"Why?" Tina asked, obviously not out of breath or pleased at his stopping.  
  
Before he could give an answer, Xander spotted a shadow moving toward them. 'She had back up,' he chastised himself, his fingers curling around his weapon of choice. Hoping to stake Tina before her friend arrived, Xander was unprepared when the shadow appeared to throw something at them, making him flinch back automatically.  
  
Tina apparently had not been caught so off guard, and managed to knock whatever it was away with a hand that moved with unnatural speed. She pushed off Xander, making him slam back into the wall hard enough that he smacked his head just enough that he saw stars for a moment.  
  
When his vision cleared a second or two later, he saw Tina facing off against the shadow, her once pretty face now sporting a ridged forehead, yellow eyes and a mouth full of sharp teeth. So intent on her opponent, Tina didn't notice Xander picking himself up and moving behind her. Bringing the sharpened end of the cross up, he slammed it down into her back, piercing her heart. Tina managed to turn around and give Xander a surprised and hurt look, before her body turned to dust. Raising his eyes he focused on the figure in the shadows and brought the cross up in a warding off gesture. "That's what happens when your sires don't teach you how to share," he said in a low voice,  
  
"I ain't got no sire," the shadow answered back in a throaty voice.  
  
'Now that voice sound familiar.' Xander thought as the figure moved slowly out of the shadows. Stepping fully into the light, the person, who was now clearly a girl, was dressed in dirty jeans a size or so too big, and loose flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up, hair tied back in a ponytail. Xander's eyes widened, as she was just about the last person thought he would run into in a dark ally. "Holy shit."  
  
"Xander?" Staring back at him, eyes clearly showing surprise, was Faith. 


	2. Chapter 2

Xander and Faith eyed each other with the utter shock that comes when you run into someone you really didn't expect to, and totally unsure how to react.  
  
'Faith?" Xander spoke first. "Is that really you?"  
  
The dark-haired Slayer just stared at him for a moment longer, before shaking herself out of it. "Uh.yeah. Hey."  
  
Blinking and shaking his head, Xander straightened up and lowered the sharpened cross, but didn't put it away, which didn't go unnoticed by Faith. "I.I thought you were still in prison."  
  
The rogue Slayer brushed a loose strand of hair away from her face and shrugged slightly. "Paroled," she stated. Before Xander could think of something else to say, Faith gave him a hard look. "You care to explain why you were making out with a vampire in a dark ally?"  
  
Squaring his shoulders slightly, Xander glared at her. "I wasn't.I was just getting ready to stake her when you showed up."  
  
"Right," Faith gave him another once over, obviously noticing his shirt being untucked and rumpled and the lipstick on Xander's face and neck. "Only staking it looked like you had planned was with your dick."  
  
Letting out a breath and preparing to deny the accusation, Xander gave Faith a slightly sheepish grin. "I admit I got distracted for a second."  
  
"Distracted!" Faith shouted at him, stepping forward and scowling at him. "You were about ten seconds away from being dead!"  
  
Xander had stepped back automatically when the Slayer had yelled at him. "And just how far away am I now from being dead now?" he shot back, his hand tightening around his sharpened crucifix before he could think.  
  
It was like someone had cut Faith's strings. She just stopped and her scowl melted into a neutral, almost guilty expression. "I'm sorry," she said softly, eyes dropping to look at the ground.  
  
Still in fight or flight mode, it took a moment for Faith's reaction to his words to sink in. "What?"  
  
"I'm sorry I yelled at you," Faith answered, slightly louder now but still not looking Xander in the eye.  
  
Never having heard Faith apologise for anything, surprised at seeing her at all, and still slightly dazed from smacking his head against the wall, Xander just stared dumbly at the Slayer, finally giving her a good look. The shirt she had on was bigger on her then he had first thought, as did the jeans. Faith seemed to have shrunk more then a bit since the last time he'd seen her. Her hair, tied back loosely in a ponytail, was dull and looked unwashed. Her hands, which were fidgeting with a stake, were dirty and shaking slightly. But it was her face that really shocked Xander. Dark circles under her eyes were proof of long nights and not enough sleep. On her lips there was no trace of the glossy lipstick he remembered she was so fond of, but instead were dry and chapped. Her eyes, which were still focused on the ground, looked tired, apprehensive and more then a little scared. 'She can't be scared of me.'Xander thought to himself, noticing a streak of dirt on the side of Faith's neck. "What.what are you doing in Sunnydale?"  
  
"Long story," Faith answered, finally raising her eyes to look at Xander. "Where is everyone? I mean, where there's one of you guys, there's usually another."  
  
The sounds of laughter echoed down the ally, coming from the direction of the Bronze. Glancing at his watch, Xander was surprised to see it was almost one in the morning. Motioning for Faith to follow him, he started walking further into the ally, toward where his car was parked. "Gone for the summer," he said as, after a moment of hesitation, Faith fell into step beside him. "Buffy and Dawn are in Florida sorting a few things out with their dad. The rest are in England.doing other things."  
  
Faith didn't respond but simply walked silently beside Xander. Reaching his car, a replacement for the one that Willow had trashed, Xander unlocked the passenger side first, before moving around to the drivers' side. "Get in," he told the brunette Slayer, as he unlocked his own door and slid into the car. Watching through the window, Xander watched Faith wrestling with the apparent dilemma that his request had brought up. It actually took her almost a minute to make up her mind, before she slipped the stake she had into one of the huge pockets of her pants, and quietly slipped into the car. Fishing his keys out, Xander buckled his seat belt and stared at his companion until she fumbled to do the same.  
  
The two rode in uncomfortable silence until Faith fidgeted in her seat. "Where are you taking me?"  
  
Giving her a quick look before returning his eyes to the road, Xander cleared his throat. "It's late and you look beat. I figured I'd give you a ride to the motel, before heading home."  
  
"I'm not staying at the motel," Faith said, her voice almost inaudible it was so quiet. She turned away and looked out the window, apparently unwilling to look at Xander.  
  
"Okay," Xander drawled out after a moment, when it was apparent that the girl beside him wasn't going to continue. "Where are you staying?"  
  
"Um, I found a place on Churchill."  
  
"Oh." Churchill was part of the industrial district of Sunnydale. Made up of old factories and abandoned warehouses. Spike and Dru had based their operations out of a factory in the area, before Giles burned it down after Jenny was killed. Spike had used the same burned out factory to hold Willow and him hostage, back during senior year. There were no apartment buildings, hotels, motels or any other normal living areas in that part of town. Vamps usually used the area to set up nests, but the district seemed a ghost town when Xander patrolled it. 'If Faith is staying in that area, then she's pretty much squatting.'  
  
They drove in silence for awhile, neither of them able to come up with anything to say. Finally Xander simply pulled the car over and put it in park, and looked at the Slayer. "Faith, why are you squatting in the vamp central?"  
  
Faith just stared forward through the windshield, her jaw clenching quickly to cut off a 'None of your business!' Taking a breath, the Slayer shrugged. "Seemed like as good a place as any. I ain't got the money to stay anywhere else, and the warehouse is close to prime slaying territory. Win-win stitch, ya know?"  
  
Though the voice held the devil-may-care attitude of the old Faith, her body language was completely different. She didn't look at Xander once when she spoke, in fact making an effort to look at everything but him. She was all but pressed against the door, sitting as far away from Xander as she could. Her hands still trembled, and Xander wasn't sure if it was because she was afraid of something, exhausted or hungry. 'Probably all three,' he guessed silently while he observed her in the dimness inside the car.  
  
With a grunt, Xander restarted the car and began driving again. Keeping his eyes focused on the road, and resisting the urge to cast glances at his passenger, he switched on the radio on in the hopes of filling the uncomfortable silence. With the volume turned low, the swinging piano cords and gentle voice of Sarah Vaughn was both soothing and distracting. So much so, that by the time they'd reached their destination and Xander parked the car, Faith had drifted off to sleep in her seat.  
  
Xander just looked at her sleeping, her head leaning against the window, arms wrapped around herself protectively. Faith's expression while asleep was peaceful. Xander noted how much younger the Slayer seemed when she didn't have her usual mask on. 'Buffy kinda looks the same way when she's asleep,' the male Scooby mused as he quietly opened his car door and exited the car. 'I guess when they're asleep, they don't have to worry about looking strong.'  
  
Circling around the car, Xander slowly opened the passenger side door, and smirked a little when Faith's head just tipped onto her shoulder as she continued to sleep. 'She's even more tired then I am,' he thought as he moved to unbuckled her seatbelt. Leaning across her, he stifled a chuckle as he noticed something else about her. 'She needs a shower more then I do too.'  
  
Having freed her from the confines of the seatbelt, Xander shook her shoulder gently, deciding that she'd probably be a little freaked to wake up with Xander carrying her. "Faith," he said softly as he nudged her shoulder. "Wake up, Faith. We're here."  
  
The Slayer jerked awake so suddenly that Xander stepped back in case she forgot who he was. Blinking the sleep out of her eyes quickly, Faith looked startled for a moment, before her mind caught up with her. "Xander?" she questioned as she got out of the car and looked around, noticing the distinct lack of anything resembling a factory or warehouse. "Where the hell are we?"  
  
"My place," Xander answered as he locked the doors to the car and set the alarm. He started walking up walkway of his apartment building, but stopped when he realised that Faith was still standing beside his car.  
  
"Why did you bring me to your place?" Faith's voice was hard, as was the gaze she levelled on her would-be chauffeur. "What? Hoping you'll get lucky with the slut ex-con? Think again, boytoy!"  
  
Xander could almost feel the outrage and anger pouring off the Slayer. If he'd been a bit smarter, he probably would have just run into the apartment and hoped that Faith didn't follow and kill him. But between everything that happened that night, on top of a hard day at work, Xander was just about on his last nerve. "Look here," he growled as he stalked back towards her, his voice low. "I'm offering you a bed to sleep in, food and a shower. Three things that by the looks of you, you haven't had in awhile." Almost standing nose to nose with the Slayer, Xander just glared right back at her. "You don't want it? Fine! Go back to wherever hole you've been hiding in. I really don't care. As for hoping to get lucky, I gotta news flash for ya! I'm hardly the hard-up virgin you knew three years ago, and your not exactly looking like the seductive street urchin."  
  
"Fuck you!" Faith all but spat in his face, not budging an inch. "I didn't ask for your fucking charity!"  
  
"I'm not offering you charity!" Xander roared back! "I'm offering you help! And I wouldn't even be doing that if I thought I could pass it on to someone else! But there isn't! Angel's AWOL and Giles is in England! There's no one else around to keep an eye on you except me! And if you think spending the night with a girl who tried to kill me the last time I tried to help her is was tops on my list of things to do today, than your more out of you mind then the last time I saw you!"  
  
Now it was Faith who had to stop from cringing back from the anger and frustration that Xander was heaping on her. Part of her wanted to just walk away from the angry young man and his insults. 'Flip him the bird and just get the hell away from his judgmental ass,' part of her mind urged her. But another part of her, the one that brought her back to Sunnydale in the first place, stopped her.  
  
First of all, Xander was the only familiar, if not friendly face that she'd seen since she'd gotten out of prison. He was also one of the people she'd come back to make amends to. His comment about the last time they were alone together struck her like a kick in the gut, making her realise that he hadn't forgotten or forgiven her. Not that she had expected him too, but having it thrown directly in her face stung. And yet here he was, offering her help, even though he all but admitted that he didn't trust her and had no back up if she decided to go bad again. 'If you slap his hand away for the second time, you can't expect another one.'  
  
Xander on the other hand had just about enough for the night, and with snort, he turned his back on the Slayer and walked back up to the entrance of his building. Opening the first set of doors with a hard tug, he fished his keys out of his pocket of the locked security doors. Slipping the key into the lock, he looked into the glass saw the transparent reflection of Faith beside his own. He hadn't heard her follow him, and did his best to stifle his surprise to find her standing right next to him. Without a word he opened the door and held it open for her.  
  
Faith opened her mouth to say something, 'Thanks' or 'I'm sorry', but the Xander studiously looked straight ahead into the lobby and refused to look at her. Swallowing her words, the Slayer dropped her eyes to look at the tiled lobby floor and walked through the door.  
  
Xander followed her, giving Stu, the night security guard and nod as they passed, ignoring the older man's raised eyebrows and smirk. Neither Faith nor Xander looked at each other as they waited for the elevator, or spoke during the ride up to Xander's floor.  
  
Xander stepped out first and walked down the hallway toward his apartment without looking back to see if Faith was following. When he stopped at his door and unlocked the door, Faith stood silently by, eyes still on the ground. Opening the door, Xander stepped in and held the door open from the inside, waiting for the Slayer to come in.  
  
Hesitating for a moment, Faith looked up to see Xander waiting patiently. Their eyes locked for the first time since they met that night. They both saw the same emotions in each others' eyes. Worry, fear, weariness and more then a bit of excitement. Both of them realised that a step was about to be taken, and neither of them had any idea where it would take them.  
  
Giving Xander a small smile, Faith stepped into the apartment. 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
  
  
  
With the door shut, the apartment was completely dark. For a very brief moment, Faith felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. The dark had always been a bad place for her. It hid things. Things that wanted to hurt her. Vampires, demons, prison guards, run of the mill punks. Forgetting where she was for a second, the Slayer tensed as she felt a presence move around her.  
  
A moment later, light flooded the room.  
  
Xander moved past Faith, missing her tense stance as he dropped his keys on a table by the door and shrugged off his jacket. Tossing the garment on the back of a chair, he moved past the Slayer and into the living room. "If you want, go jump in the shower," he told her without looking back at her. "I'll put some clothes out for you to sleep in." Xander finally turned and saw Faith standing by the door. "We can throw your clothes in the laundry tomorrow." He took another look at her clothes, seeing just how threadbare and ill-fitting they were in the strong light of the apartment. "Or burn them. Your choice."  
  
Faith adjusted her shirt without thinking, feeling slightly overwhelmed in the large apartment and realising that she wasn't looking her best. "Thanks," she said simply, choosing to ignore the crack about her clothes.  
  
Stepping further into the living room, the ex-con took a good look at the space around her. The large entertainment unit took up an entire wall of the living room, shining glossy black and expensive. The kitchen table and chairs placed right by the windows that opened up to the courtyard outside probably gave an amazing view first thing in the morning and in the evening. The couch was large and looked comfortable, bookended by small endtables with lamps on them. The coffee table sat between it and the entertainment unit, covered in magazines and a few comic books. Close enough to put snacks within easy reach, but far enough away to be able stretch your feet out on the couch. Posters of old movies were framed and hung from the walls. More then that though, the place looked lived in. It was a home. The pair of boots left in front of the couch. The empty coffee cup on the kitchen table. The plate on the coffee table, a crust of toast now stale from sitting out there from morning. 'This is a home,' Faith thought as she took in her surroundings.  
  
Turning to compliment her host on his home, she found herself alone. "Xander?"  
  
"This is the bathroom." Quickly turning, Faith saw Xander standing halfway inside a doorway on the far side of the living room. "Okay," the Slayer said simply, unsure as to how she was to respond to the information.  
  
"I was making sure there were towels and stuff." Xander moved back into the living room and headed toward the kitchen. "I put some pyjamas and.other clothes in there for you too." Even from across the room, Faith noticed a flash of sadness cross his face. "Um.there's.girly stuff in there too. I put them on the edge of the shower. I.I wasn't sure what you needed or wanted so you basically have the house selection."  
  
For the billionth time, or so it seemed that night, Faith didn't know what to say. "Thanks." The fact that Xander hadn't looked at her once since they'd entered the apartment. While she was hardly an expert in body language, Faith did know guilt when she saw it. For some reason, Xander was feeling guilty for having her in his apartment.  
  
Opening the fridge, Xander stuck his head inside and started rooting around. "I should have some food ready by the time your done. Take your time."  
  
"Okay." It seemed that word was coming from her mouth a lot tonight. Faith was surprised at how.well.passive she was being. Part of it she knew was just weariness. The patrolling she'd done that night, the brief fight she'd had with the lone vampire she'd fought the entire night and finally, the confrontation outside Xander's apartment had taken a lot of out of her. She remembered a time, not all that long ago, when she could go for days without sleep, fighting demons every night and still have enough energy for a good fuck.  
  
But her general case of exhaustion was only part of the reason she was letting Xander order her around. Another part was that she was surprised at how assertive Xander was being. Toward her. The last time they were alone.well, she had tried to kill him. That pretty much put her in control of that situation. In fact, every time she had been alone with Xander, for even a few minutes in some cases, he had been utterly passive. He'd always seemed like a puppy to her. Show him the least bit of attention and he'd wag his tail. 'And he always had a nice tail,' her mind supplied while her eyes automatically stared at the aforementioned 'tail'. Almost as soon as she realised where she was looking, Faith moved her eyes away and started moving toward the bathroom.  
  
Entering the bathroom, she took the room in with a glance. Not small. Not huge. Big enough so that two people could use it at the same time with a minimum of conflict. It looked like a typical guy's bathroom. Razor lying haphazardly on the sink, hamper against the wall with a pair of dirty jeans and sock showing that it was just about laundry day. A stick of deodorant shared open shelf space with a tube of toothpaste and a toothbrush.  
  
The only things that didn't fit the messy manliness of the room were the folded clothes placed on the top of the closed toilet seat. Looking through them, Faith noted the basics. Underwear, regular panties, nothing fancy. A sports bra which she wasn't sure would fit her properly, but would try on, though she wouldn't sleep in it. 'Who sleeps in a bra?' The last item was actually two items. Red silk pyjamas. Bottoms and a dress shirt-like top. Reaching out to feel the material, Faith noticed how dirty her hands were. Her hands snapped back as if she'd burned herself.  
  
Turning, the dark haired girl stared at her reflection in the mirror above the sink. 'You're hardly looking the seductive street-urchin'. Xander's comment about her appearance rang in her ears as she stared at herself in the mirror. "No shit," she muttered out loud as she took in the dirt on her face, the bags under her eyes and the general nastiness that was her hair. All in all, Xander had been generous. "I look like a fucking skrag."  
  
With a sigh, Faith quickly striped down, doing her best to ignore the state of her clothes. Turning on the water, she set the temperature for as hot as she thought she could stand. As the bathroom slowly started to fill with steam, the Slayer removed her prison issue underwear and pulled the elastic band that she'd used to tie her hair back, swearing as she pulled out more then a few hairs from her scalp. Rubbing her head, Faith looked into the shower and blinked. When Xander had mentioned laying out 'girly stuff' for her, he wasn't kidding.  
  
Looking over what must have been more then a couple of shelves worth of shampoos, conditioners, soaps, lotions and a half dozen things that she couldn't even take a guess at, Faith was both impressed and intimidated. Even before prison, her show accessories were confined to Irish Springs and Head N' Shoulders.  
  
With a sigh and a shake of her head, the Slayer stepped into the shower and held herself still under the almost scalding water. Faith loved hot showers. It was one of the few things that she could enjoy behind bars that she did when she was free. In prison she'd wait until as long as she could until the communal showers were as empty and then stand under the hottest water that the California penal system could produce. Just shut her eyes and let the wet heat soak into her. She'd pretend that she was somewhere else then. Warm and safe.  
  
She'd only been attacked in there once. The 'example' she'd set with those four women had earned her a trip to solitary and a wide berth from the rest of Gen-Pop. During her time in solitary Faith had figured that she'd just screwed herself with the guards and prison officials. Pegged her as a troublemaker from then on. After her week in 'the hole', she'd been taken directly to the warden's office. The man had calmly explained that two of the inmates that she'd 'assaulted' were still in the infirmary with broken ribs and bruised kidneys. The other two had only suffered dislocated shoulders and nasty bumps on the head.  
  
Faith had sat there and listened as the warden described in great detail how one of the women had gone into shock because a broken rib was threatening to puncture a lung. The Slayer had kept silent throughout the report, keeping her eyes forward and focused on the sky outside. When the warden had stopped and looked at her, she'd simply said, "I'm sorry."  
  
She'd said it so often since she'd turned herself in that it was quick becoming her motto.  
  
The warden had then sat down at his desk and opened a file. Her file. Her mug-shots were clipped to the inside of the folder, along with her arrest record and various other bits and pieces of official information on just how badly she'd screwed up her life. The warden then proceeded to read it all to her. Her confession to the police about the various assaults she'd done while in LA, the two murders she'd committed in Sunnydale, the attempted murders of Buffy Summers, Willow Rosenburg, Xander Harris, and Wesley Wyndom-Price.  
  
She'd considered confessing to trying to kill Angel and assisting in the attempted slaughter of the graduating class of Sunnydale High School, but she'd figured that they'd label her insane and toss her in a padded room. Prison was what she deserved so she'd held back.  
  
Though, listening to the warden rattling it all off to her, Faith thought the list was more then long enough.  
  
After her confession came her convictions. Faith prepared herself for the exact same list, but was shocked to hear that she'd only been convicted on one count of assault. Against the lawyer from Wolfram & Hart. There was absolutely no evidence to convict her of the murders in Sunnydale, and her confession wasn't enough. Wesley had not only not pressed charges, but had denied that she had anything to do with his obvious injuries. The attempted murders against the Scooby Gang were dismissed for lack of evidence as well.  
  
The Mayor.  
  
He'd fixed it so that her dirty work for him was completely covered up. Wes, probably out of misplaced guilt and pressure from Angel hadn't pressed charges. And if the cops in LA had let the Sunnydale PD conduct the investigations of her actions against Buffy, Willow and Xander.well it's hardly a surprise that there wasn't evidence to use against her. There was probably still a picture of her at the police station that said 'Untouchable'.  
  
Everything she'd done. Her confession. Her willingness to pay of her crimes. All for nothing. The only thing they nailed her for was the beating of some dirty lawyer, probably one of the few things that she really didn't regret. Her entire attempt at redemption was a farce.  
  
She didn't know whether to laugh or cry.  
  
But the warden kept on reading. A report from the court shrink. 'Immense guilt. Inferiority complex. Possible abusive childhood.' A recommendation for leniency by Detective Katherine Lockley. 'Turned herself in. Complete disclosure. Remorseful.'  
  
She was completely numb when the warden closed her file and looked up at her. "Faith, what happened in that shower?"  
  
And so she told him. She just wanted to take a hot shower by herself. The women had come in. Started touching her. She told them to stop. One of them punched her. She told them to stop or she'd hurt them. They kicked her. She defended herself. "I didn't mean to hurt anyone that bad. I just wanted to be left alone," she finished, looking down at her cuffed hands.  
  
"I believe you." Faith looked up to see the warden staring at her, his eyes wary but showing compassion.  
  
"Why'd you put me in solitary then?" She'd asked a little more harshly then she wanted to. She waited for the slapdown.  
  
The warden looked at her with a stern look. "Because that's the way things work here, Faith. You get in a fight, you get solitary." Faith couldn't hide her frown. "You should thank me for it. If you'd been released into the general population, the friends of the women that attacked you would have done their best to finish what they started. You'd either have ended up in the infirmary right beside them or with a lot of blood on your hands." Faith had looked up with steel in her eyes ready to tell him just how much blood she already had on her hands. "By now, word has spread about what happened. People have had time to think about it. Think about you. And just how much damaged you managed to do to 4 of the biggest bulls in here." The warden leaned back in his plush chair and looked at her. "You've got rep now, Faith. You can use it to make yourself comfortable here. Get a gang together. Generally, be a big pain in my ass. And if you go that route, I'll tell you now that you'll be here for the full seven years for your conviction. Not to mention anything else I can make stick to you." Hard eyes pinned Faith to her seat. "And trust me, I can make a lot of things stick. I can keep you here till you're dead, Faith. Fuck with me and the only way you'll leave this place is feet first."  
  
The warden and Faith stared at each other over the space of the desk.  
  
The Slayer finally let her gaze fall to the desktop, conceding victory to the middle age man across from her. "I don't want to cause any trouble," she muttered, slumping in her seat.  
  
The warden smiled at her. A real smile. "Good. That means we can help each other." Faith's confusion receded as the warden explained about his outreach program. It had been tried before, a few times. Each time it failed because the inmates that joined it were targeted by the bulls as weak. Their willingness to admit their guilt and try to change was blood in the water. "I want you to be my Great White Hope, Faith."  
  
"You want me to set an example..?"  
  
"You're a hardass, Faith." The warden smiled at her again. "Whether you want it or not, a lot of the other inmates are going to be watching you now. If you join my outreach program, other's might feel more secure in joining it too" The warden levelled an honest look on her. "That doesn't mean you can kick the ass of anyone who says something you don't like. The same rules will apply to you that apply to everyone else." Faith was ready to ask what was in it for her then. She'd be painting a target on her back bigger then the one that was already there. Instead she closed her mouth and thought about it. "This is a chance, Faith." The warden looked at her expectedly. "Your example can help a lot of women move on with their lives. Women who would end up either dead or worse if they stayed too long here. You can be a leader or you can be another number. You can have influence.a good influence in here. What I have on you tells me that you were a fucked up kid that got caught up in some shit and reacted badly. Could have happened to anyone. But you're here now. And right now you start your life over again. You can either keep going on the way you were or you can change tracks and do some good. In here and out there."  
  
Faith listened to the warden. Same rules would apply to her. If she fucked up, she'd end up in solitary, just like everyone else. But if she did good, she'd have protection. The guards would look out for her. She could be out of prison at her first parole hearing in two years with the right letters of recommendation from the warden and the guards.  
  
More importantly to her though, she could help other people. That was what she was supposed to do. That was her destiny. She was a Slayer. She protected people. Her reputation as a bad ass could protect people for once. Women who wanted to change. To make amends. Like she wanted to.  
  
In the end the warden's offer was a no brainer. She accepted.  
  
It wasn't easy after that. No. She'd ended up in solitary 4 more times after that first time, defending people in her 'group'. Each time she went in the warden was there. "No good deed goes unpunished,' he would say to her each time he closed the door. "But good deeds are remembered." He would say to her after the door was closed.  
  
Faith let out a long breath. The water poured over here and comforted her. Like it always had. Opening her eyes, visions of prison receded and she stared at the blue and white tiles of Xander's shower. Her time behind bars held both good and bad memories. But they were part of another world. The warden had told her so right before she walked out the gates. 'Take what you can from here, Faith. Leave behind what you can't.'  
  
What she'd taken from prison was a small piece of the person she'd like to be. A protector. An example to others. A person who fought for people who couldn't do it themselves. She tried to leave behind the past. And then walked right back into it.  
  
First she sought out Angel. The one who had offered her a hand after everything she had done. But he wasn't there. She'd searched, but couldn't find him. He'd vanished off the face of the earth it seemed. Cordelia was gone too. And Wesley. The only people she had any connection to in LA, even if though nothing but pain she'd brought on them, couldn't be found.  
  
As she began to rub soap across her body, Faith thought about the choice she'd made after that. She could have stayed in LA and did her best to help people there. Or go off to a new city. A fresh start. Or go to the place where she had done the most damage, caused the most pain, and try to fix that. She'd used the last of her money to buy a bus ticket to Sunnydale and the home of her worst enemy.  
  
And found no one.  
  
Another man lived in Giles' apartment. Buffy's home was empty. A drunken man told her to fuck off at Xander's house. She didn't know where Willow lived.  
  
With no money and no place to stay, she'd bunked down in an empty warehouse on the bad side of town. Used tepid water and harsh paper towels in a gas station washroom to keep clean, until she'd been chased off as a homeless person. Searched the dumpsters behind restaurants and coffee shops for enough food to keep going. Drank out of park water fountains for water. Dived in Salvation Army donation bins for clothes.  
  
She'd finally found the punishment she'd looked for in prison, in the place where she'd hoped to find a measure of forgiveness. She would stay there, defending the apparently defenceless town until stale bagels and tap water weren't enough to keep her going and a vampire had themselves a real good day.  
  
Then she bumped into Xander. Another man who had offered her his hand in help. Another victim. And he'd brought her into his home. Offered her a place to stay, if for only a night. Safety for a night. Not because he forgave her. But because there was nobody else to do it.  
  
Washing her hair and cleaning herself off, Faith stepped out of the shower and stood naked in the bathroom. The water on her body cooled slowly as she wiped the condensation from the mirror above the sink. She stared at her reflection. Face flushed and clean, hiding the worst of the bags under her eyes. Hair clean and hanging free. Longer then it had been since she was a child.  
  
She held no doubt that things would be strained between her and Xander. She knew the boy could hold a grudge from here to the end of time. And it probably wasn't even about her trying to kill him, though that was there. But that she'd tried to hurt Buffy and Willow. She represented a threat to his friends. His family.  
  
Dressing slowly, Faith enjoyed the feel of clean clothes for the first time in a long while. The underwear fit just right. She stood there for a moment, again looking at her reflection in the mirror. She took a step back to really look at herself. Wearing only the panties, Faith gave her body a good look. Lost weight. Slayer metabolism was usually a good thing when she ate regularly. Kept her in fighting trim. But without the proper fuel, it had started eating away at her. She could see the outlines of her ribs. Her hipbones were sharper then used to be. Her collarbones were much more prominent then they used to be. Her skin was paler then usual, even under the rosy hue that the shower had given her. She'd lost a bit of muscle tone in her legs and arms.  
  
Faith was a shell of what she used to be.  
  
She finished getting dressed without looking at her reflection again. The silk felt so soft against her skin. The bottoms hung a bit, revealing the top of her panties. The top covered it though, hanging loosely over her and reaching her mid-thigh.  
  
Faith imagined that she looked like a little girl dressed up in daddy's clothes.  
  
Brushing her hair quickly with a brush on the sink, the Slayer left the bathroom in a rush, refusing to inspect her appearance. 'You're not trying to get laid,' she told herself as she exited the bathroom.  
  
And right into the sight of Xander bending over to take something out of the oven. "Cuz this isn't complicated enough," she muttered as looked at the young man's denim clad ass. She licked her lips without thinking. 


End file.
